The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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