i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
