Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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