im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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