Can Purell be used as lube?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
