then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
