Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
