This is not my ceiling
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
