so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
