I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
