but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
