every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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