this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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