I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
