Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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