omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
