If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize