I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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