but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
