He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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