I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
