i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
