let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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