She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
