Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
