dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
