so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So much rum. So many feels.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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