I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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