State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
