i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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