goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
