thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
