I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
