Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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