thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
