Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
