so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
