Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize