this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
