I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
