You're my little dorito
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
