my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize