I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
