i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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