First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
