I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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