What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
