I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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