So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
