I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
