Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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