Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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