hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
