it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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