Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i was born a porn star she said
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
