At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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