Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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