I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Come on in and take your pants off
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