Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
