Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
