do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
