And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.