i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies