well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
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you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
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Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."