I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"