When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize