Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is