good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize