Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
